She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
