I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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