Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
