his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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