I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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