that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
