waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
