Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
