I accidentally burped into my bong.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
