One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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