I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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