everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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