I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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