I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
