I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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