i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
