I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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