Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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