yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
