addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
