my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
