he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
