i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
