don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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