Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
