Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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