Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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