I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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