best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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