you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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