Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
