so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
