so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Boobs are out for the taking
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
