super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
