um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
