All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
