Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
