My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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