I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
