I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize