i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
