What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
