do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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