"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Text me some of your sweat
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
