i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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