I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
