no, he came in my armpit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
