I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
