I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
