i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
