Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
