My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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