Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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