Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
