I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
