Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How's work?
Spinning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
