When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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