Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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