In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
