dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
