This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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