I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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