ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
