So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
