I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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