I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
