I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
