It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
