dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
