I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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