You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
