So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have started to decorate penises.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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