Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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