if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
