Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
