I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
