Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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