Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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